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It takes time and space to process, and everyone’s healing journey is unique and different based on a myriad of factors. Most likely, when a relationship ends you are in a state of shock- because it is traumatic. The end of a relationship has the ability to bring you back to reality in a very abrupt and real way. Sometimes, you know it’s coming, other times it catches you off guard. Regardless of whether you saw it coming or not, you will need to process the end in order to begin again– so have compassion for yourself and give yourself the space + grace to heal.
Just to be clear, giving yourself space + grace, does not mean that you need to put your life on hold. Cue business as usual. Sometimes you will require introspection, self-reflection and silence, other times you may require more extroverted activities, community and social interaction. The key here is to focus on yourself, your life and your journey. Notice when you want to bury or avoid certain experiences, and instead, look at them. Allow yourself to go inward and to move forward so that you can begin to acknowledge and embrace the truth that the relationship is over.
If you were the one broken up with, it will most likely be more difficult to acknowledge and embrace the truth than if you were the one that ended things. There are many reasons for this, but more often than not, the person who ended the relationship, most likely, already started to process the end, where the other may have very well been blindsided. Either way, you must take steps to acknowledge and embrace the truth, in the present moment, to fully process the experience. The relationship is done in the way that you’ve come to know it, and it’s important to remember that.
If you really get clear with yourself, you will see that most likely, you didn’t actually lose anything other than the contracted state that you were in- but the mind loves to fixate, reminisce and distort the truth. It’s basically losing it’s favorite delusion, and it will wreak havoc and create all kinds of drama in an attempt to fix, avoid and bury the reality of the situation if you allow it to. This occurs for many reasons, one being that the ego does not like change, freedom, empowerment or growth. It is a survival mechanism, and it certainly loves to run the show- but the truth is simple. The relationship is done in the way that you’ve come to know it. Now, this does not mean it may not come back around- but if you are growth oriented, it will never be the same. It will be better or you will draw someone else that is better for you, because once you’ve learned what you needed to learn from your own experiences, you will be better too.
This is why it is so important to get in touch with reality- because all of your power and ability to heal lies in the present moment where you can connect to, look at and learn from your experiences so that you can let go of them, and they can let go of you. So remember to opt out of the past, the future and everywhere else in between that your mind would love to take you through fantasy, hope, and other coping mechanisms. These coping mechanisms only delay the inevitable. So here, within the present moment, through your increased awareness, you can choose the truth, over and over again- because the truth will set you free, and it will remind you to focus on what is.
Have any thoughts, notes or questions? Feel free to write down below!
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